Yes, he killed himself. A gunshot wound to the chest at his home and he was gone.

I warn you, I am going to be blunt and tell the TRUTH in this blog because I’m tired of people sweeping the unseemly under the rug and being hush-hush when someone commits suicide.

It’s this very silence on this “taboo” topic, this turn-your-head-away-because-it-could-never-happen-to-me mentality that causes loved ones to be mental, maniacal, suicidal.

I was the first family member in California my sister Lynn contacted when the unthinkable happened at her home in Fort Myers, Fla.

Last Saturday, I thought it was strange my sister was calling at 1:30 a.m. her time. I will never forget the bone-chilling, screeching voice as my sister cried in an unrecognizable voice, “Chris [her husband] shot himself!”

I couldn’t understand what was going on. “What? Who is this?”

She screamed repeatedly, “Chris shot himself in the chest!”

Worried about my nephew Drew, 12, and niece Serena, 8, I yelled, “How are the kids?”

“They’re not injured. I need you here! The police are here,” Lynn shouted as she hung up.

Shock… helplessness… disbelief… grief… sent tremors through my body.

I scrambled to call loved ones to help me sort through the foggy madness. I needed someone to grab the kids, hold them and tell them they’ll be OK.

Thankfully, we got a hold of a couple of Chris’ best friends in Florida, Mike and Stephanie Letourneau, to quickly retrieve the kids to make sure they were in loving arms as the police investigation was underway.

I booked the next flight to Fort Myers and feverishly searched online for “How to help grieving children” and “How to explain suicide to kids.” I also called my psychologist friends, Dr. Gladys Ato and Dr. Ron Holt, for counsel. (I sure didn’t want to say the wrong things and thwart the healing process or cause more anguish.)

When I arrived in Florida, I hugged my inconsolable sister, niece and nephew and promised them we would get through this together because we have awesome, loving and supportive family and friends.

I notice the awkward interactions that usually ensue as folks tried to console my family. What do we do? What do we say? How do we help heal? What if we say something wrong?

Four days later, my sister’s neighbor told me she wasn’t going to tell her kids. I feel this hush-hush, don’t talk about it, skirt-around-the-truth mentality is what teaches our kids to silence their natural state, hold back and bottle emotions and creates this vicious cycle of dishonesty.

I thought, “If we don’t tell the truth, talk and cry openly, we are closing off the communication that heals us all during times of grief.”

I had to pen this blog to share the amalgam of learnings, research and tips from grief counselors (thank you to all the pros who mirrored this same message.)

1. Tell the TRUTH. Many folks don’t like confrontation and would rather tell half-truths, white lies or complete lies altogether. If you don’t tell your kids, or decide to tell them a partial truth, trust me, the truth will eventually surface. My niece told her other 8-year-old (and younger) friends, “My daddy shot himself. I am sad. I miss him.”

During this already confusing time of grief, if parents don’t tell the kids the truth and the kids found out from others, I believe this causes distrust and breaks the comfort and openness kids desperately need during times of distress.

2. When talking to kids about death, use simple, easy-to-understand clear words. Don’t say “passed away.” Don’t say “went to sleep.” It confuses kids. Instead consider saying “died” or “killed.” Be honest. Children will express grief in different ways. Some through talking. Others will act out, scream and shout. Here is a good resource on how to talk to kids of certain developmental ages.

3. Encourage them to express their feelings and cry. Don’t hide your emotions and tears. Let them flow. Tears do wash away some of the pent up anger, resentment and sadness.

I cried in front of my niece and nephew, but ran out of the house when I was about to burst into an ugly cry. My nephew (remember, he’s 12) ran out to hug and console me and said, “It will be OK, Uncle Toan.” My niece (remember, she’s 8) told my sister, “Mom, don’t be sad. I don’t want you to be heartbroken, you could die of heartbreak.”

Another time, my nephew shared, “I got you a gift. Remember, you really liked this candle at the boutique? I wanted to get it for you.” He knows my fondness for candles, apothecary stuff. He knew it would calm me. I couldn’t believe that in a time of grief, he was thinking of caring for me.

Listen to your kids, they can teach us so much!

I noticed my nephew and niece were able to process some of the pain better after they began talking about their feelings. I encourage starting off the dialogue by telling a story about the person who passed away. I also noticed funny memories helped create some levity and lifted their spirits.

Dr. Ato and Dr. Holt both strongly recommended getting my sister and her kids to a psychologist with experience in childhood trauma as soon as possible, as the success rate is significantly better the quicker they can get professional help. My sister was still in shock and looked like a zombie when I saw her. She was in no state to make decisions. So I booked them a session with a psychologist fast.

Things I told/asked them:
– It’s OK to cry.
– They said they were confused. I told them I was, too, and encouraged them to talk about it so we could help each other understand.
– How are you feeling after losing dad?
– What are some good memories you had with him?
– Kids undergoing the trauma of losing a parent or guardian worry about being cared for. So I told them my family and I will always be there to take care of them and talk to them through all of their troubles and mistakes.

4. Reassure and tell them it’s not their fault. One stage of grief is blaming ourselves or feeling guilty. When dealing with suicide, tell the kids, “It’s not your fault. It’s the disease in his head that killed him. Not you.”

5. Let them know they are not alone and we will get through this together. Again (it’s important to do this again and again) kids want to be comforted and know they will be taken care of. Let them know you’ll always be there for them.

6. Oxygen mask first. When you’re on an airplane, you’re reminded in case of an emergency, the oxygen masks will drop and you should put your mask on first before helping others. Remember, you’re grieving too, so practice self-care. If you’re not well, you’re not going to do a good job helping your loved ones.

7. Breathe… this too shall pass. It may be a good idea to set a timer on your cell phone to remember you to breathe and focus on the present moment and the things you’re grateful for during this time of distress.

8. As one of my favorite poets, the late Maya Angelou, once said, “There is always a rainbow in the cloud.” Trust me, grief is like surfing. It hits you in waves. In 2000, I lost four family members in a year’s time. It does get better. If you are present, talk about your feelings and work through your grief.

Here is an interview I conducted with my dear friend Marianna Cacciatore, a grief expert. I love how she explains how grief leads to love and generosity:

Here are some additional links to helpful resources:
–“Helping your child deal with death” (KidsHealth)
–“How to help a grieving child” (The Dougy Center)

* Special thanks to everyone who has reached out, prayed, donated food and resources, opened their home and continue to send their love. IT is lifting us and allowing us to see light during these dark times.

* If you would like to help support my sister’s family, a friend has set up a GoFundMe campaign.

As my niece says, I love you (all) beyond the universe and back.

Love and light,
Toan

The post How to Talk to Children About Suicide appeared first on Go Inspire Go.

A recently released “Cassandra Tween Report” states Gen Z kids are a “generation of self-starters, multi-thinkers and pioneers, who will want to carve their own individual paths to success.”

The oldest Gen Z-ers are about 13-years-old and characterized as being tech savvy, constantly plugged in, connected through social media and empowered by their access to information, which I believe equates to being mini-influencers.

I wanted to highlight some shining examples of such “self-starters” at Sun Valley Elementary School in Marin County, Calif., where one student asked, “Where do we recycle our Crayola markers when they dry out?”

As 11-year-old Nando Castellar drew a factory polluting the air and water, he explained that he colored the water a faded blue because “it’s not as blue as it used to be. It’s getting darker and then the sun is not as yellow as it used to be. It’s kind of like messing up the earth,” he said in a sad voice.

“I’ve thrown away about a hundred markers and I just want them to recycle them because it’s getting to our landfills — it’s creating landfills and it’s getting into our oceans and it’s killing the animals.”

Land Wilson, a parent volunteer of Sun Valley Elementary School’s “Kids Who Care” program did some research and couldn’t find an answer to the Crayola conundrum.

They wrote a letter to Crayola urging them to recycle their markers. Crayola sent a letter praising them for their enthusiasm, but didn’t offer a solution.

To rally support, the students created an online petition that quickly generated more than 90,000 signatures.

Dixon Ticonderoga, an art and office supply company (and Crayola competitor) heard about the online petition. The public support inspired them to create a recycling program where schools can send Prang Markers postage-free back to the company’s headquarters in Florida for recycling.

Check out Go Inspire Go’s inspiring video and discover how these mini-change makers got these big companies to take a greener approach to how they do business.

A year after the Sun Valley Elementary School Gen Z-er’s initial plea, Crayola decided to launch their ColorCycle program. Crayola says they will be transformed into clean-burning fuel.

Students from K-12 in schools in North America and Canada can send the markers back to the Pennsylvania-based company. So far, more than 120 schools have signed up for the program.

Congratulations to the students of Sun Valley Elementary School for making their “mark” and coloring outside of the lines!

Follow us @GoInspireGo on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & YouTube

The post Work of Art: School Kids’ Petition Sparks Recycling Programs by Marker Manufacturers appeared first on Go Inspire Go.

On Mondays when I host the Community Heroes lunch club, I usually get a tad nervous. As I open the library door and await the lunch bell, I hold my breath. Will anyone actually show up? If they do, can I really continue to keep these kids interested? Am I indeed sowing the seeds of compassion or is this all just going in one ear and out the other? Toan and I produced a year end video that encapsulates all the hard work and life lessons learned in this club. It’s funny how sometimes while you’re trudging along your journey you don’t realize the impact until the end of the journey. This video will inspire you to hope, dream and take action:

To this point — keeping fingers crossed this will continue — my fears have been laid to rest when I see waves of adorable little people tearing across the school yard, clutching their lunch boxes, clamoring for the best seat in the room. Their smiles and enthusiasm melt my anxieties, give me courage and boost my energy. And the 45 minutes seem to fly by. Imagine having 25-45 kids sit on the floor in a crowded room, eat lunch, ask questions and have meaningful discussions and activities about serious community issues (and yes, while the parent facilitator concurrently helps open yogurt and tight Tupperware lids, directs crumb and spill clean-up, grants permission to go to the bathroom and breaks up little skirmishes over who gets to sit on the coveted Panda pillow/chair.)

We met every one to two weeks for the entire school year. Here are some of the things we did:

1. Organized a fall coat drive for a local non-profit named Canal Alliance, which serves more than 3,000 immigrants annually, collecting more than 80 coats for San Rafael residents in need.

2. Built our skills, such as how to make an elevator pitch to a millionaire and making video presentations to inspire others to act

3. Had a lot of fun doing skits, making posters, writing notes to military personnel and an inspiring sick kid, performing random acts of kindness and dreaming big (like writing to Ellen DeGeneres).

4. Held a family Community Heroes event in the park to raise awareness about childhood hunger. The kids organized a bake sale and lemonade stand and performed a skit, raising more than $260 to benefit Canal Alliance to benefit their weekly food distribution pantry.

We discuss big issues, but we also talk about small acts that can make an impact. One of my favorite sessions was themed “Random Acts of Kindness.” We talked about small ways in which we can help others that don’t take much effort, but go a long way in making others and ourselves feel good and appreciated. I stopped by our local Trader Joe’s and talked to the manager about what I was planning to do and was surprised when she offered to donate more than 30 bouquets to help my experiment. The kids were delighted to walk into the library to a huge mound of fragrant blooms, and we discussed how doing something unexpected and nice for someone else is a simple gift we could all give. The kids then raced around the school yard handing flowers to unsuspecting teachers and students. They experienced the joy in giving and of course felt so much joy in return. We should all try to do a little something kind and spontaneous more often! It’s so easy and you never know what you may inspire in others.

In our last wrap-up session of the year, the kids enthusiastically planned for how they would look for ways to help others over the summer. To my surprise, many of them said they are very excited to keep Community Heroes going next year and I honestly can’t wait to see my Heroes again in the fall. Some even wanted to take this idea to their next journey in education, to junior high school! Observing these kids’ sincerity and watching their big hearts grow even bigger this year has been the greatest gift for me. Please take this blog and video as a gift and pass it along to someone in your life that needs a little inspiration. It doesn’t have to be a kid, it could be a grown up who wants to reconnect with their inner child who wants to dream again.

Ideas for your own Community Heroes club? Here are some great resources:

1. Calling all parents/guardians/schools groups: Start your own Community Heroes Club! Contact us: info@goinspirego.com

2. Make a GIG Spark Lesson on Compassion

3. Get connected to Generation On and Kids Care Clubs

The post An Inspired Year of Community Heroes appeared first on Go Inspire Go.

GIG Social Good Spotlight:
LOTUS BLOOM CHILD & FAMILY RESOURCE CENTER — Uplifting Children and Closing the Achievement Gap

What is Lotus Bloom Child & Family Resource Center?
Lotus Bloom is a multicultural organization based in Oakland, California that develops and provides a safe, loving environment for inner-city children and families, offering developmental play and art activities to children from 0 to 5 years of age.  Last year, the center served approximately 600 individuals, of which 144 children and 138 adults participated in its 0-5 year old multicultural playgroups.

What is Lotus Bloom’s mission? What big changes is it trying to make?
Lotus Bloom’s mission is to empower individuals to realize their full potential and transcend their dreams into reality. In education, the “achievement gap” refers to the differences in academic performance — academic grades, standardized-test scores, drop-out rates, college-completion rates — and is most often used to describe the performance gaps between students from low-income families and those who are better off. In Oakland’s San Antonio neighborhood, 86 percent of 3rd graders were not reading at grade level and kindergarten teachers reported that children entering school had no preschool or early care experience. To help fill this achievement gap, several local volunteers and social service providers came together to form Lotus Bloom in the Fall of 2006 to offer free access to playgroup and school readiness programs.

How is Lotus Bloom using its power to help others?
Nationwide, the data is startling — 29 percent of 2-year-olds in poverty demonstrated proficiency in listening comprehension, compared with 39 percent of those at or above poverty, and 55 percent of those in poverty were proficient in expressive vocabulary, compared with 67 percent at or above poverty. The disparity increases in later years. Twenty percent of 4-year-olds in poverty were proficient in letter recognition, compared with 37 percent of their peers at or above poverty. Forty-five percent of 4-year-olds in poverty demonstrated proficiency in numbers and shapes, compared with 72 percent of their peers at or above poverty.

Dedicated to working with diverse populations and connecting people of different backgrounds to work collaboratively, Lotus Bloom promotes language development and early learning experiences through playgroups and classes, such as Asian Community Mental Health Playgroups, multicultural play groups by age, and Parent Child Yoga,. Many of these classes are free or offered or on a sliding scale of $1-$5 per child, per day.

What inspires Lotus Bloom to do this work?
“Seeing children and families make progress everyday inspires me to do the work, whether it is watching children play with other children, holding a pencil for the first time, or writing their first name,” said Angela Louie Howard, Executive Director.

The majority of the families that go to Lotus Bloom come from low-income backgrounds and third world countries and the concept of learning through play is a new concept to them. “I love to see parents in our programs get acculturated, learn new skills, new songs, count in different languages, and make new friends,” she said.

What is Lotus Bloom focusing on now?
Lotus Bloom is working on a licensed community kitchen in order to help incubate small catering and food services within the community. The San Antonio neighborhood is plagued with fast food restaurants, such as McDonalds and Churches Chicken, and the organization wants to help the local neighborhood make use of their own cooking resources and build healthy and sustainable food programs. Food is also a great way to bring people together to share knowledge and culture and strengthen the community.

How can GIGSTERS get involved and support Lotus Bloom?
• Purchase a NSF certified oven/stove for their licensed community kitchen
• Volunteer and help by:
– Working on our backyard to build community garden
– Providing administrative support
– Starting and facilitating a parent leadership group
– Participating on Lotus Bloom’s Board of Directors
– Plan and administer two fundraisers
• Donate and provide financial resources to support our work

To volunteer or get more information on how to support Lotus Bloom, click here to fill out their contact form.

The post Lotus Bloom Child & Family Resource Center — Closing the Achievement Gap appeared first on Go Inspire Go.

Take a close look at the photo of the young lady on my blog — her name is Phoebe Russell. Although I’ve had some amazing teachers in my more than three decades on this earth, I can truly say that Miss Russell is the best teacher I’ve ever had when it comes to the true meaning of “service.” No, nothing is wrong with your eyes and no, this is not a picture of her from way back when she was youthful. Phoebe is 6-years-old. Since meeting her last year, she has taught me a lot about life and about fitting into this world as an “adult.”

I met Phoebe when she was 5-years-old through our friends at the San Francisco Food Bank. I created this video for my inspirational website GoInspireGo.com on her project to feed the hungry.

Phoebe’s mother told me in a way that made me feel humble, “There’s always little things that we can do in our daily life that makes a huge difference for other people. The project started off as a small thing. Phoebe’s taught me, you got to just do it.” That’s when I realized how deep Phoebe’s wisdom was, even at this tender age.

While on the way to school, she saw some homeless people on the street. She became curious. “I was sad,” she told me in timid voice. So she did what kids are good at — she asked questions — which led to a movement that, to this date, has fed about 120,000 people in her community.

“Why do they look so sad?” she inquired inquisitively. “And how do we help them?” Her parents explained that the food bank helps feed hungry people. She became determined to raise money for the food bank by collecting cans, recycling them and cashing them in for money.

Phoebe innocently told me, “It makes me sad because they have no food and shelter. Me my dad and sister would go to whole foods… we would have this big bag of cans and we would turn them in to get money, so I wanted to collect cans.”

With the help of her preschool teacher, Phoebe reached out to her network — during recess, she hand wrote, signed and sent letters to family and friends. Her goal was ambitious — you might say impossible — for a 5-year-old, but then again what do grown-ups know anyway?

To say the project gained momentum is an understatement.

Family, friends, the media shared her story… which led to a ripple effect of giving. Within two months, Phoebe raised $3,736.30. According to the S.F. Food Bank, that’s enough to feed nearly 18,000 people.

The news gets better.

I featured Phoebe’s video on GoInspireGo.com and it went viral immediately, with more than 26,000 viewers from all corners of the world. YouTube comments and emails poured in. Parents, churches and other community groups contacted our team to say they were sharing our blog and video with their children (as bedtime stories) and during sermons and meetings. I could see a shift happening — people were inspired by Phoebe’s actions to act.

Fast-forward six months.

I received an email from Gayle Keck, a media manager at the S.F. Food Bank. The total from Phoebe’s project: $20,202!” That’s enough to feed 90,000 people.

Get ready to keep on smiling… yes, this story does get better.

Go Inspire Go submitted the video to Tyson Foods Hunger Relief Challenge. Phoebe became the “Tyson Hunger All-Star.” A title that comes with a donation of 15 tons of chicken!

That means the S.F. Food Bank is able to feed 120,000 people in the community.

Wow!

This isn’t just a civics lesson to her peers; Phoebe taught us big kids a thing or two, as well.

Tyson’s Ed Nicholson said in his 15-years with the company, Phoebe is the one who left a life-long lasting impression on him. “This is to recognize unlikely people in unlikely places doing extraordinary things. I think Phoebe is one of the most unlikely we’ve run across and perhaps doing one of the most extraordinary things,” Nicholson said, in a voice with so much excitement, I thought he had won the contest.

Paul Ash, executive director of the S.F. Food Bank, was blown away, too. He told me, “We’ve never had someone this young do this much. We certainly have volunteers, come in with parents, but no one so young who moved something along so independently and with such great results.

Little Phoebe taught me some big lessons in life as well.

First off, you don’t have to be rich, famous or even experienced (that’s my nice way of saying old) to give back. Small acts of kindness matter in a big way. It’s amazing to see Phoebe in her “zone” and working in the spirit of service, with only one goal: to help others.

I also learned to unlearn things that we’re told constantly as we “get older.” Just over a year ago, I started my Go Inspire Go project. My mission was to set up a global platform for people to see and share inspiring stories. My vision is for viewers to be inspired to use their own resources and talents to help others.

Along the way, we’ve inspired and empowered people to help those featured through our call to action. (There are links at the end of every story on how they could be a part of the change.)

More than once, I almost put the project on pause because I was constantly inundated with people asking me, “You’re doing what? Okaaay,” and “How are you going to monetize this?” “You need to have a business plan, now.”

I admit, there were times when I felt like giving up. But people sent story ideas my way…which touched the journalist in me. (My parents wanted me to nix the journalism thing and become a doctor — but what old-school Asian parent doesn’t want their children to wear scrubs and make more moola?) That’s when I just started doing what I knew best — connect, inspire and empower people through my stories, which led to the vision of my project.

More than a year later, I am still humbled, amazed and intrigued by the fact that children like Phoebe are uninhibited and just take risks. As you see in the first video link above, kids dance shamelessly, freely and unabashed. Kids believe they’re artists, singers and astronauts.

But what happens to us when we get older?

Aren’t we supposed to get wiser? More connected? How many times have people put up roadblocks on the path to your dreams? How many times have you been told, “You want to be an artist?” or “How are you going to pay your bills?” While these are valid questions I had to ask myself every day as I took on this project, I learned to cut back, ask questions and Rubik’s Cube my opportunities to work for me.

I don’t make a lot of money and still work part-time to work on this project, fueled with hope, passion and compassion.

As I sit here at Starbucks and blog, I wonder how many artists, singers and astronauts out there who “could’ve been,” but were thwarted one way or another?

The world is a big place, we are very small. But the opportunities are vast, limitless — and within our reach.

So with no shame, I’m proud to say, I learned a lot from little Phoebe. Even though it took some imagination, a shift in my thinking to see life through the lens of a 5-year-old. Or as Phoebe corrected me recently, “I’m 6-and-a-half!”

Boy, I’ve got a lot to learn!

Related Stories:
–Four Kindergarteners Inspire 135,000 Meals for the Needy
–A Week of Surprises
–Giving a little, gaining A LOT! Feeding Your Spirit this Holiday Season

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