The Complete Guide to You

Toan Lam and the Golden Gate Bridge

Breathe deeply and with each deep breath say it with me three times… and it will change your chemistry… and your life:

I am complete.

I am complete.

I am complete.

This seems to be the mantra and thread throughout many conversations with friends lately… that we are enough. Truth is we were born enough. This isn’t some “aha” revelation that I came up with because I’m a spiritual superstar (which I think we all are — some of you just don’t know it yet). It’s been taught in many religions, including Buddhism, where the core belief is searching for enlightenment.

I recently reconnected with a friend who seems to have it all. Professionally, she’s worked as an international correspondent and is currently a network anchor. Personally, she has a beautiful family, lives in one of the prettiest neighborhoods in America, has a handsome hubby and a gorgeous little girl. To add to the package, she is good looking, has mad style and then, there’s her light. Wow. Her light.

I was shocked to find out that recently things seemed to have crumbled beneath her designer heels. She split with her husband, work has been uncertain because she isn’t locked into a contract (what workplace doesn’t have uncertainty?) and her spirit seemed low the last time we spoke on the phone.

When I met up with her, she had a lightness around her energy. Her aura was clear as though she had just finished a long yoga sesh. Why? We both agreed that we are complete and are always on the right path, even if it seems like the wrong path at the time.

Traversing these routes shows us the way to life lessons, blessings and miracles that unfold through the grace which is our life, our breath, our connectedness to one another. We talked about our lives and how far we’ve come in our personal, professional and spiritual paths. We agreed that no matter who you are, even Oprah in all of her Oprah-ness, she sometimes, I believe, still has days where she, too, doesn’t think she is as complete as she is (although she seems mighty close to complete). That I know for sure.

The truth is, thanks to ego, we seem to think we are never enough. Release that thought when it comes and instead, live in gratitude — that is the true meaning of grace. If you’re feeling way off your path, like your dreams aren’t unfolding as you think they should, here are three spiritual snackables to nibble on:

1. Anxiety is wanting to be where you’re not. Guess what? Even after I achieved ALL my dreams at an early age — TV reporter in a big market, co-host for a PBS show and instructor at the university level — I still felt like I hadn’t arrived. First I thought, “Will I ever get a paid TV reporting gig?” Then after achieving that I wondered if and when I would jump to a bigger city. “What now, what next?” That’s the ego talking. Be OK with the now. How? Start by breathing. It will chemically change the way you feel and shift your perspective.

2. Don’t compare yourself with others. It’s futile. We are all on different legs of our journeys. My friend mentioned that sometimes she got caught up in comparing herself with others, their jobs, buying luxury homes, having more children, etc…. I told her that I learned long ago not to compare — it wastes energy. I remember quitting my first TV job in Wisconsin to take care of my father who was battling cancer. I thought to myself, “This feels right, but my friends are jumping to bigger TV markets and I am so far behind.” Guess what? I got back into the biz a couple of years later and landed in San Francisco, the No. 5 market at the time, before the friends I was compared myself to did. I realized that it didn’t matter that I got here before them and it doesn’t matter that I’m out of the biz now. We all are being guided by something greater. We can’t control timing. Just be here enjoying what is….

3. You are complete. Born complete. Start by writing a gratitude list. It doesn’t matter if you’re on your last dime. You have something to be grateful for. Maybe it’s the check coming your way when you didn’t expect it. Or a loved one who loaned you money to pay rent. Begin with your breath. If you’re alive, you’re blessed. You’ll see before your eyes how real your completeness is. A few days ago, I was inspired to go to my rooftop and practice yoga. I joined Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s 21-day meditation challenge, “Manifesting Grace Through Gratitude.” That day’s entry was perfect for this lesson on being complete and grateful for what we have now:

Day 3 — Awaken the Energy of Gratitude

“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.” –Karl Barth

In today’s meditation, we learn how to recharge our gratitude batteries. If we are tired, upset, or stressed, then our heart is closed and we are not able to feel or express real gratitude. Genuine gratitude comes from a feeling of contentment, safety, and being welcomed in your life — what Buddha called the “gladdened heart.” This natural energy of gratitude is awakened when we meditate. Our intention in meditation will be to invite this warm attitude of appreciation into our awareness and perception. With this recharged heart of thankfulness we will find reason to be grateful wherever we look.

If you do all three exercises, you too will feel the shift. Nothing else has really changed around you, but something is changing within you. Honor this moment. The only thing that is real. You are complete. You are complete. You are complete.

Onward and upward,

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